i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
