Why are handjobs necessary in class?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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