He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
