I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
