you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
