I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
