do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Randomize
