is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
