he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
