I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Randomize
