in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
