hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
