I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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