theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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