So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Randomize
