can u get pink eye on your cock?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
