you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
