I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
this just has baby written all over it
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
