he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
