I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Randomize
