Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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