That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Hippo gnu deer
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
