she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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