ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
