he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
