if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
