You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
