i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
