Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
