My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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