M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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