Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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