I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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