I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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