Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
