Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
