my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
