batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
