Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
