I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
