I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
