I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
How's work?
Spinning.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
