as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
