I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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