dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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