sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
