Dual....:-)
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
