Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
