If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
