oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The uberlube is also flammable
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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