some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
