I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
