Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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