see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
